Sleeping Like a Baby: What They Didn't Tell Me About Infant Sleep

Of course I knew sleep would be hard to come by after we had a baby. But what I didn't know was that infant sleep was one of the most widely discussed topics among mommies EVERYWHERE. And did you know there are a million books out there that offer various sleep methods and techniques to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep?  From crying it out, attachment parenting, no crying, sleep training....the list goes on. Everyone claiming to have the right solution to get your baby snoozing through the night in no time.

I too found myself googling things on more than one occasion like: "Why won't my 3 month old stop crying at night" and "How to soothe a fussy infant at bedtime."

And of course, thousands of listings and online forums popped up with moms like me offering their 10 cents on baby sleep, blah blah blah. Usually these "helpful" tid-bits would leave me feeling defeated and even more confused about the best "solution" for Evie's sleep habits.

Hold her more. Put her down. Let her cry it out. Make sure her belly is full. It's colic. It's reflux. It's gas. She's teething. She's manipulating you. Change your diet.  With so many suggestions pouring in, many of which were conflicting, what was a new, overtired momma to do?

Here's what: Follow your gut. Momma really does know best. 

Evie has never quite fit any sleep pattern found in a book, and she has been so unpredictable from day one that I could never really enforce any sort of schedule to help her ease into a sleep routine. It took a few months, but I finally realized that the best solution for us was not to teach Evie to go to bed, but instead, to create the best possible environment for Evie to relax and feel safe so that she could finally reach a state in which her small, tired body would drift to sleep.

After 5 months of sleeping in bed with us and some really (I mean really) frustrating evenings, Evie FINALLY started to to self-soothe. That means I could put her down, sleepy in her crib and she would fall asleep.  On. her. own. Before I would have to nurse her, nap with her, nurse her again, repeat....it was the only thing that would work. Looking back, Im so grateful for those little moments with her, snuggled up. It's what she needed, and it's all I could give.

I do wish someone would have offered me this bit of advice, though:

Be patient
It's going to pass, really. I mean what 13 year olds do you know who don't want their mom to go away so they can sleep a few more hours? I hope we don't have to wait until Evelyn is a teenager for sleep, but I do know that Ryan and I have been doing everything we can to make sleep easier for her, and that's all a parent can do. Hang in there and know there's an end in sight. This is coming from someone who hasn't reached the end, but I'm being optimistic. :)

Laugh
MANY other emotions that do not include smiling will flood your mind when you have a baby at home who keeps you up all night, but seriously, you just gotta laugh. Some nights (after having a good cry of course) Ryan and I would just look at each other and laugh. "What in the world just happened?!" Yep, it's funny. This two foot tall, 15 pound girl just wrecked our whole evening for the 20th week in a row, and it's already 2 a.m., and I'm exhausted and she's probably going to wake up again in a few hours. And guess what? It's funny.

Lower your expectations
I think it's perfectly fine and even encouraged to read up on infant sleep for advice, tips, etc, but don't beat yourself up when it doesn't work for YOUR baby. There are a few books that I found offered some good tips here and there. But to be honest, none of the so-called sleep methods worked for us. Rather than getting frustrated every evening because, oh guess what, the baby won't sleep again, just find ways to prepare yourself for whats to come instead. Our sleep challenges change week to week. Rather than getting discouraged with every new challenge, we've learned to respond the most appropriately to each of Evie's unique night time needs instead.

Treasure it. 
These fleeting moments really do come and go so quickly. The first baby is tough because you really have nothing to compare it to. Don't be so hard on yourself or wish away certain "stages." They really will pass.  In the meantime, enjoy the extra snuggle time your baby demands and loves (even if it is a 2 am). It's going to pass, and you'll miss it.

Still feel defeated? New moms should read this article for a chuckle.

Today, at 9 months old, Evie still gives us a run for our money at bedtime. But it's better. We survived are surviving, and we are better for it. I certainly don't regret any of the extra rocking, nursing or hours not sleeping that I spent loving on and helping our daughter attain the rest she needed.