Happy 1st Birthday, Baby Girl

Ryan and I decided that we'd write each child we have a letter on their first birthday. I know she's too young to understand yet, but I am excited for when I find the "right time" to give Evie our letters and a little glimpse at just how much she means to us.






To my sweet daughter on your first birthday,

Just thinking about your day of birth brings tears to my eyes and an overwhelming, indescribable joy that penetrates my heart in ways I'm not sure I will ever be able to explain. Your birth story is in every way beautiful, nothing like I had imagined, yet more perfect than I could have ever hoped it would be. It's been one year and many of that day's events are still so fresh in my memory, moments I will forever hold near and dear to my heart.

From the moment the doctor placed your tiny, 6 pound 8 ounce body on my chest, it was love at first sight. You came bursting into this world at 1:18 in the afternoon on Thursday, November 15 (4 long days past your due date), and after nearly 12 hours of intense laboring, you were finally here. Those wide, alert jet black eyes. Your full, dark head of hair. Your beautiful, soft skin. Those tiny fingers, toes, ears and nose. You were absolutely perfect, and I was forever changed.

The pain, sweat and hard work I had endured those previous hours had already left me, and all I could do was stare in amazement at this small, precious miracle whose life I was somehow now responsible for. You were mine and I loved you from that very second with everything I had in me. My heart felt as though it was bursting out of my chest, literally aching at the sight of your sweet face. And even when I though it couldn't be possible to adore you even more, each passing day my love for you has only grown.

Daddy and I left the hospital with you a few days later, a family of 3. Our lives were forever changed that day, as we arrived home to begin what would be the best year of our lives. You've filled our home with such joy and laughter. Your smiles. Your giggles. Your cries. Our home is happier and more complete because of you.

If I said my transition into motherhood was easy, though, I'd be lying. Looking back, I can still taste the fears, the doubts, the sleep depravation, the feelings of inadequacy. Some days, Evelyn, when you couldn't be soothed, you and mommy both wept on the couch. Some days when new mommy insecurities started to inch up on me, we would stay in bed nursing a few more hours before we faced the day. And some days, I'll admit, I just wasn't sure I was cut out for the whole mommy thing. As much as I wanted there to be some special formula for taking care of a newborn (feed every x hours, sleep x times a day, and so forth) I quickly realized that a secret solution to surviving with a newborn would never be found in a text book or an online discussion board. The only thing predictable about our days and nights were that they were going to be...unpredictable.

And yet, despite the challenges, the foggy days, the long nights, God gave me everything I needed to sustain you. In fact, some of my favorite moments included those spent in the hardest hours, the early mornings in your room, snuggled up in the rocker. Your small hands wandering around my skin and clutching my shirt, and your tired eyes gazing up at mine as you drift back to sleep in the comfort of my arms. I often hold you a few moments longer before putting you back down in your crib. These are the moments I'll always treasure.

It's amazing to look back on how much you've changed in the past year. Your dark hair now a dirty blond. Your alert, dark eyes now a beautiful, deep blue. Your tiny, delicate body now a sturdy, strong, walking little girl.

You were and still are a passionate little one. You give everything you do, be it eating, playing, sleeping, laughing, crying, 110%. I so love that about you. You're determined. Passionate. Spirited. Strong-willed. Tender. Loving. Funny. Outgoing. Intelligent. I could go on.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you in this life, Evelyn. I trust that God has a purpose for you.  I hope you have the confidence to be who you want to be. I hope you have the courage to go after your dreams and determination to never give up. I hope that no matter what you do and where you go, you know you're never alone. I hope that you have compassion for others and a giving heart. And more than anything, I hope that your heart would be drawn near to Jesus and His overwhelming, overflowing love for you. 

Thank you for making me a mommy, and especially for letting me be yours. I'll love you always, and even though you're technically not an infant anymore, you'll always, always be my baby.

Happy birthday, Evelyn Leigh,

Mommy